Tuesday, December 9, 2008

What is a "Car Czar"?

*
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You Never Give Me Your Money, The Beatles



randomjoe2000

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Is a Car Czar a dot gov kind of guy or gal?

Does the Car Czar drive a big flashy American car?

Does the Car Czar wear a crown?

Pinkie rings?

A carnation on his/her pocket?

Does the Car Czar smoke a giant stogie?

Does the Car Czar hang out with the Drug Czar?

What do two Czars talk about?

Cars and Drugs? How to build a Czar Car?

To stash Czar Drugs into a secret space?

Never mind How to Build Green...

Will the Car Czar make The Big Three Tow The Line?

Or will the Car Czar (wink, wink) slip The Three Beggars

Cool billions without a blink?

Will the Car Czar hand out money like carnival candy?

Hire me.

I'm available, and I would make a great Car Czar.

My name will be Scrooge.

You will have to kneel before me

Serf hat in hand.

My Car Czar checkbook before me,

Big quill pen in hand,

Nib hovering over paper.

You will have to take a Car Czar test:

First question (Choose One):

When you are asked to testify before Congress,

A) You fly to Washington in your private jet.

B) Your flunky drives you to Washington in a hybrid car.

C) You go coach on Amtrak (where you will be required to sit in front of a young mother and her two squawking babies).

D) You walk from Detroit to Washington, wearing a sandwich board that says,

"My name is Big BAD CEO, and I'm a recovering spendaholic."
You know the right answer.

I will lend you money,

But you shall obey my Ten Commandments:

1. Thou shalt dance like a marionette before me and worship no other special interest groups.

2. Thou shalt build green cars.

3. Thou shalt innovate on a budget.

4. Thou shalt pay your workers a fair wage.

(But only after the unions have knelt down before me with their own promises.)
5. Thou shalt repay the taxpayers (with interest).

6. Thou shalt not covet big bonuses for thyself and/or cronies.

7. Thou shalt share profits with workers and taxpayers.

8. Thou shalt present weekly budgets to the Car Czar and account for every penny spent.

9. For major projects, thou shalt first get my permission to proceed.

10. When all is said and done, thou shalt not beg for more money, and you shall treat this bailout with great respect and honor.
Hire me, and I will require only a small living-wage salary.

In fact, the Car Czar should do the job for nothing,

A reasonable bonus

To be paid ONLY

If the Car Czar

Succeeds.

Capitalism in Poetry.
*

The Walrus and the Carpenter (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1898)

*
A scene from "The Walrus and the Carpenter," by Lewis Carroll, drawn by Sir John Tenniel, 1871. Wikipedia _______________________________________________________________________


The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"


"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.
From Through the Looking-Glass, published in December 1871.

_______________________________________________________________________

The Walrus and the Carpenter, 1951 Disney Version



Neclea

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*

Friday, November 7, 2008

A Farewell to George W. Bush, Perhaps a Bit Premature, But the Snarkster Can Barely Wait to Ring in Barack Obama...

*
What? Me worry?

See the white space below? Highlight for a special message:
__________________________________________________________________


White space, like W's presidency.

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sethp5
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You've done helluva job, Bushie, simply the best.

What will The Snarkster do now for snarky content?

Tuvok Obama?


Photo courtesy of Photochopz

____________________________________________________________________


Naw.

Too hunka, hunka, burning love.


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FormerlyJesus
____________________________________________________________________


Is this the end of Snark as we know it?

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Burning Love, Elvis Presley (Hunka, Hunka Burning Love)



maca14

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Will this be the theme of Barack Obama's presidency????
*

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Hologram: "Jessica Yellin, You're My Only Hope" (???)

*

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Election Night Technological Miracle



Artloverrr

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The Snarkster is speechless at the pointlessness of CNN's new technological toy.

And it all may be fake, if you believe this source.

______________________________________________________________

Hologram Technology Explained by CNN Senior VP David Bohrman



911PersonalityCult

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*

Sunday, November 2, 2008

The Kiss of the Spider Woman



The Kiss of the Spider Woman (1985)

http://www.snarke.com/

“Try to remember”
—Manuel Puig,
Kiss of the Spider Woman

It’s so gratifying to see—
The barracuda diva go rogue
Like La Manuela in “The Kiss
Of the Spider Woman…”
Incarnating the submissive—
Degraded part of women rebelling
Against the usual fascist pigs;
So that women identify with him,
Thus “The Kiss” provokes precisely
The political impact Puig wants
To produce in women…

Fabulations…musician José Iturbi—
Both films for Molina’s chic lovely
Nightly daughter, Jane Powell,
who falls in love with Famous actor,
“Holiday in Mexico” (1946), Her
Hollywood musical life as
Ambassador’s singer Who goes
for fame & fortune… Her Mafioso
magnate “Hipócrita” (1949)
A marvelous Mexican flick…
About doomed cabaret
Buenos Aires in bits & pieces—
Based loosely on Berlin…

Molina and Valentín—
de jour prison life in death,
death in life… humid sexuality,
Brutalizing/being brutalized,
Captive narratives derigeur,
Dead men soup and death in
dark Voodoo cane fields of
slavery, Oppression Zombie,
A Val Lewton-Jacques Tourneur
Tale of love sullen Jane Eyre
I Walked with Ze zombies
of desire, my dear, Just ask

*



Just ask famous Miss Sirk—
clichés of power… society:
A reliance on formulae,
kitschy Convention, excess,
exaggeration, And ways that
confer cinematic Illusion
in a totalitarian state playing
Erotic excess vs. aggressive
evil American cinema, His
successful melodramas such
Scathing satires Hollywood
‘50s, cult queen bee


*



Lana Turner glamorous diva—
USA Sunset Blvd Hollywood—
Her Imitations of Life… LA,
Berlin & Buenos Aries—Evita’s
Nazi Argentina, Postwar twist:
Always returning back home
Again, whether femme fatale
new National Socialist
platinum blonde (1959) or
Glamorous woman of the
Femme Sapphire stage,
diamond goddess, lovely
imitations of life


*



WASHINGTON DC (1980)—
Her Filmography…weeks viewing
“Mein Leber fur die Liebe” in
the Library of Congress’ newly
Acquired Nazi Reagan subtle
Compared with Zarah, & she
Became 3 strong-actress types
Which queens identified with
before Stonewall, mimicking
their gestures, doing her drag
queen routine—(an arcane LP
of Zarah Leander hits)…


*



Hollywood ‘50s movies—
To be born-again, slick.
Fiction & Bondage, Slave
POTUS dystopian love,
Sheathed in smooth latex
body-stocking, Waiting to
get hot for her, Moody
young rebel to free her
melodramatic imagination
languishing like Molina for
The Valentín Show, her
moody man class-struggle
act boyfriend, held captive by
Raving fans in LA, hoping
the poets and Painters,
midnight Left Bank, leading
a debauched life with cute
South American playboy tangos,
Her rich Argentine dictator-father,
Letting her hang out with his
young Junta lieutenants

NEW YORK (1976-1979)—
Lubitsch, starring Evelyn Brent
and Emil Jannings… Command
(Josef von Sternberg, titles by
Herman Mankiewicz), based on
Satan’s Sorrows (Lyade Putti,
Glamorous German accent),
The Last & the Devil (Gilbert/Garbo),
White Moth, Hoopla (Clara Bow),
Musicals, campy melodramas,
Screening 16mm antiques…
Hotel Imperial, Student Prince,
Flesh MoMa viewing silent
teens and Twenties Romantic
comedies



*

She found the 1920’s—
More explicit before censorship:
Asta Nielsen’s Hamlet (1920),
Playing a woman posing as a boy
Because the throne needed a
Descendent, immediately,
Horatio in love with her/him
All the way, ashamed of his
Homo feelings, until the end
When he embraced the dead
Hamlet and felt a tit!!!

She felt the desire—
all the prison bars, shadowing
the underlying aesthetic of
Androgyny & Desire. Argentine
Kiss—The Evita Peron Kiss,
the young Latino Kiss, libido
flowing thru her as one more
Rita Hayward got to go mad,
Clarifying the American Kiss
as well as the many ways it
made her who she was—
Willing to play herself Spider
Woman, The need to continue
her little Hollywood soiree,
the erotic Tortures made to
Remember her obsessions,
The need to fabulate her
Hollywood, The Kiss…



*


The activity of this page—
Trans-fictions? Easy glutted
with the Usual power, pride,
politics & Hurricane
Parades down Canal Street,
New Orleans ancient seaport,
the degradation that diva’s
Have to go thru, Mardi Gras
Parades convoluted blame,
Slinky cinema culture in
Love with itself, disgusted
With what she’s doing with
this pastiche-like Press-book,
POMO Movie showing her
footnotes both closety &
symposium-esque, her
Divahood just isn’t it

*



Their conversation—
“But didn’t you major in
poli-sci?” “Yes, political
sciences. But go on with
the Film, I’ll tell you some
other time.” “And, by the
Way, art’s not just something
For women. One of these days
They’ll realize who’s the fag
Around here.” “Sure. But what
About the film?” “Okay, so then
The majordomo…”

“But what about the film?”
“Okay, so then The majordomo…”
“One of these days, They’ll
realize who’s the fag Around
here.” “Sure. The Way, art’s
not just something For men.
I’ll tell you some other time.”
“And, political sciences.”
“But go on with the Film,”
“But didn’t you major in
poli-sci?” “Yes…”



Thursday, October 30, 2008

CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*


The Snarkster is voting for

Barack Obama!

The McCain Adsters are wasting their money bombing this site with political ads!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

If Maverick-y Sarah Palin Were a Democrat...

*



Earlier today, a charming piece of RNC propaganda arrived at The Snarkster's abode, so she thought it might be fun to do a little mischief on it and play around with the reverse message to create a political cleave poem--in Obama's favor, of course.

You Betcha!!! So let's cleave for Barack Obama!!!

If Obama were in the Army, you'd call him --
A FIVE-STAR GENERAL

If he were an athlete, you'd call him --
A GOLD MEDALIST

If he were a plumber, you'd call him --
A MUCH IN-DEMAND MASTER PROFESSIONAL

If he were a student, you'd call him --
A PH.D. CANDIDATE (ABD)

If he were your doctor, you'd call him --
ASAP!!!!


_________________________________________________________________

Sarah Palin Remix "Doggone it, Darn Right, You Betcha."



darencomp says,

Sarah Palin explains her qualifications to be VP through the power of breakbeat.

_________________________________________________________________


*

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Warped, but Totally Cool...

__________________________________________________________

Mental Hospital Escape - Caught on tape!!



bellskope says,

World Debut of Award-winning comic Ieden Wall pulls a once-in-a-lifetime stunt in his acclaimed reality show. In this pilot episode of "The Dream Chaser" series, Ieden attempts to bust a depressed inmate out of a psychiatric hospital to help him realize his dream. This segment is shocking, hysterical and uplifting all at the same time. For more info go to www.dreamchasershow.com

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Pukey Political Poem



Pukey Political Poem

Puzzling, isn’t it—how prissy pricks
seem to predominate the pukey political
prognostications lately? Which begs
the question—just how pukey are these
petty proletariat pushy prowling politicians?
As well as perhaps—without sounding
too presumptuous—what perchance,
one might ponder, is the puke level
of the esteemed personages of this
lovely little creative coffee-klatch
schmooze-pit process called debates
and the exciting election trail? We,
the aforementioned participants of
the Titanic—we the precious provincial
couch-potato passengers of this little
ship of fools—we who work daily, pay
the bills, desperately spawning and
clogging the polls with high hopes,
unfailing flatulence, snarky puke
and smarmy quackery?
Are we not
the cat’s meow? Anxious again for
yet another "creative" election?
Argentina, Wall Street, pukey
Enron scams—welcome to the
delightful dingy dystopian
charming Third World?

Monday, October 13, 2008

"On the Internet..."

*
"...nobody knows you're a dog."

________________________________________________________


For YEARS, this New Yorker cartoon by P. Steiner hung on The Snarkster's office bulletin board.

Just gotta LOVE those cartoons!

________________________________________________

I am Curious Dog....



blusky55

________________________________________________


*

Sunday, October 12, 2008

"Heard you're getting older. Just three words to say it about it..."

*
From my dear, sweet husband, who knows me all too well....






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Birthday Song, The Beatles



KnowGuitar

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*

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Don't Worry, Be Happy (Bobby McFerrin)

*
To Christopher (and to anyone else who may be in a funk on this day):


___________________________________________________________




6MartateE9

Now back to our regularly scheduled Snark...

__________________________________________________________

*

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Best American Poetry 2008: The Cartoon *Begins*!! (Jim Behrle)

*
_____________________________________________________________



Jim Behrle's site

_____________________________________________________________



See this thread on Poets.net.

*

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

All Along the Campaign Trail!

*
"Yowza, Yowza!"
___________________________________________________________________



In the other gardens -- On the endless networks

And all up the vale, -- And all through cyberspace,

From the autumn bonfires -- From Springtime surprises

See the smoke trail! -- Now see how they placed!

*


Pleasant summer over -- Conventions now passed

And all the summer flowers, -- And all summer potshots,

The red fire blazes, -- O'Biden blazes hot,

The grey smoke towers. --McPalin does not.

*


Sing a song of seasons! -- Sing a song of absurdity!

Something bright in all! -- All frightful in Fall!

Flowers in the summer, -- Hucksters all through Summer,

Fires in the fall! -- One winner nabs all!

--Seed Poem: "Autumn Fires," Robert Louis Stevenson


________________________________________________________

Entry of the Gladiators, Pennywise the Clown



circa687
________________________________________________________

*

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Mavericks (Cleave Poetry)

*
Mavericks: The McPalin Team*
____________________________________________________________


(Apologies to William Wordsworth)

The cock is crowing -- The Mav'rick a-groaning

The stream is flowing -- The bullshit a-running

The small birds twitter -- The GOP a-flitter

The lake doth glitter -- The banks a-slippin'

The green field sleeps in the sun; -- In fog, the Moose a-hidin'

The oldest and youngest -- He and She wanna-bees

Are at work with the strongest; -- At odds with odds the longest;

The cattle are grazing, -- Joe's six-packs are amazin'

Their heads never raising; -- Their polls ne'er a-risin';

There are forty feeding like one! -- Seven hundred billion? Who won?

*


Like an army defeated -- The Mav'ricks march unheeded

The snow hath retreated, -- The rescue near defeated,

And now doth fare ill -- Almost disappearin' to nil

On the top of the bare hill; -- Come the Dems to save the bill;

The plowboy is whooping--anon-anon: -- Former playboy, flound'ring--Viet-nam:

There's joy in the mountains; -- There's no joy in mudslinging;

There's life in the fountains; -- No life in the campaignin';

Small clouds are sailing, -- There's a-slumpin' in autumn,

Blue sky prevailing; -- Barracuda's a-floppin';

The rain is over and gone! -- Over and gone: McPalin's pain!


Seed Poem: "March," by William Wordsworth


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*Thanks to Eric N. Brown for the photo.
*

I Married a Monster from Outer Space




I Married a Monster from Outer Space (1958)

Shuddery—Snarkalicious!!!

Things—Snarky Things bumping & grinding in the Night!!!

From—Faraway Outer Space Lizard Love is cumming for me, baby!!!

Beyond—Human comprehension and human love!

The—Handsome Tom Tyron my new honeymoon husband…

Stars—Stars, stars in my big Gloria Talbott stardust eyes.

Here—Today gone tomorrow!!! Come back, Little Sheba!!!

To—Fuck me that way so cold-blooded, cruel & snarky!!!

Breed—Salamander Breeder Love isn’t Sex!!!

With—Lizard Love it’s downright disappointing!!!

Human—Love that’s what I need baby!!!

Women!!!—Never Marry a Monster from Outer Space!!!

________________________________________________________________

I married a monster from outer space



BruceDermott

_________________________________________________________________


Thursday, October 2, 2008

Election Menu



“May I suggest Tesicale d'Moose Flambe with
a splash of Waspe d'Riche Pinot Noir?”

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Cleave Poem For Puget: Plan 9 From Outer Space

*


Unspeakable -- Mad Bela croaking L-O-N-G before wrap

Horrors -- Worst  movie ever made? Camp Sci-fi?

From -- Sea to murky sea, a cult hit

Outer -- Cloaking for chiropractor Tom Mason

Space -- Vampie Vampira from Outer Space

Paralyze -- Almost. Nearly tanking sans its Zombie star

The -- Filming: never, never after dark 

Living -- Zombies: Pod People 9 years in future

And -- Changeling costumes morphing mid-scenes

Resurrect -- The continuity person

The -- Star: Ed Wood who pulled it off anyway

Dead! -- Viral!

Seed Poem (See movie poster text)




________________________________________________________________

Plan 9 From Outer Space, Trailer



IRONoverture
________________________________________________________________

Plan 9 From Outer Space, Best Lines



CeruleanFilms
________________________________________________________________

More Asylum Snark Cleave Poetry: The Snarkster Exhibits Mild Acting Out ;=)

*
The Cherokee Mental Health Institute, Cherokee, Iowa
_________________________________________________________________


Evaluation of Jennifer L. Semple, 
by R. Lowenberg,
Cherokee Mental Health Institute, 1969




A battery -- a fisticuff

of psychological -- masked voodoo

tests reveals -- the shadow unmasked

that the patient -- who held against her will

manifests some -- exhibits major

mild acting out tendencies -- head-banging mayhem

which is consistent -- not in lockstep

with past behavior. -- with future behavior.

It is probable -- It is dead certain

that the inclination -- the Snarkster's inclination

to conflict with social -- the flouting of ridiculous

convention will persist -- two plus two equals whatever

but genuine anti-social -- faux anti-social

behavior is contraindicated. -- Snarkylicious snark: indicated.




*

Cleave Asylum, Snarkster Style

*


Cherokee Snarkster


Sometimes -- Whenever

when you walk -- you escape

under a tree -- then incarcerated

it can be just as annoying -- to be shrunk and shrink

to have a leaf fall on you -- to accept shit falling on you

as a fly to land on you -- you flutter away.



*

Snarky Haiku




Snarky Haiku

President Palin—
Idiocracy du jour
Hill Billy White House!!!

President Palin—
Scourge of the Potomac
Miss Barracuda!!!

President Palin—
Holy Roller Queen Bee Girl
Half-baked Alaska!!!

President Palin—
Beltway Dominatrix
Dungeons and Dragons

Funny thing happened—
When McSame Kicked the Bucket…
President Palin!!!

President Palin—
No more Books or Abortions
Pink Elephants Rule!!!

President Palin—
Her Face on the Dollar Bill
Mademoiselle Moose!!!

President Palin—
Drill me Drill me deep baby
I’m your Exxon Girl!!

President Palin—
Did in Sambo & the Bitch
Republican Witch!!!


Nation / PFAW Haiku Contest

https://secure.pfaw.org/site/SPageServer?pagename=action_haiku&autologin=true

Monday, September 29, 2008



Interview with the Poet Laureate: Kay Risqué

Snarkbait

It’s hard not
to skulk around
just kinda
waiting to be
snarked. It’s
hard to be
alone so long
and then hear
someone snark
you bad. It
makes you
wanna snark
first and ask
questions
later, rather
than just
being crummy
Snarkbait.

In her poems Risqué enjoys examining the snarkery of everyday life—with its secret snarky subtexts and those strange snarky things that go bump in the night. It’s a common human experience—to be savagely and cruelly snarked in the crummy workplace, in the haughty halls of Congress, in the humid putrid gutters and back alleys of the Beltway.

“Honey, it ain’t easy being Poet Laureate these days,” said Risqué recently at the Pink Flamingo—a dark little getaway nightclub bunker a mile beneath the Library of Congress. Unlike many poets writing today, Risqué seldom writes in the first person. She has said, "I don’t use ‘I’ because the personal is too snarky and sticky for me to work with. I like the cooling properties of a Taser gun."

In her poem "Taser Gun Love" for instance, Risqué describes the feelings of a Southern senator who was so jaded and decadent that he eventually succumbed to Taser gun love— rather than the usual boring ho-hum dildo love of the past.

“Shocking isn’t it,” she said.

Risqué describes poetry as an intensely electrical experience for both the writer and the reader: "Poems are like sticking your tongue in a light socket," she said. “The voltage moves from the poet directly into the reader.”

“There’s a ZAP of energy—the most personal sort of energy. That doesn’t mean that you read a poem to get electrocuted. Rather it’s a different kind of energy—compared with a Joe Six-Pack couch-potato buzz.”

Hyrum Van Glitterfuck, president of The Poetry Foundation, said: "Halfway into a Risqué poem, one is ready for either getting snarked or rolled; typically it ends in both. Before we know it the poem robs and rolls you, and any typical deep insight that you might have been hoping for ends with the audience of the reading running for the nearest exit."

Risqué has written six books of poetry, plus a Hollywood filmscript and some TV ads. Her books are: "Dyke Acts, Dyke Deeds” (1983), "Strangely Tainted Meat" (1985), "Flamingo Cruising" (1994), "Snarky Believe It or Not!" (Grove Press, 1996), "Come Back Bette Davis" (Grove Press, 2000), and "Barracuda" (Grove Press, 2008).

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Snarke du jour




Snarke du jour: Silliman’s Blurbocaust

http://poetryinc.net/index.php?topic=286.msg3293#msg3293

I love the daily flamer’s snarky dish of Silliman’s blog:

“the most grizzly, hyperbolic, and truly absurd blurbage of our time.”

Blurbage”—definitely Snarkette syntax.

And some lovely sites on the flamer’s sidebar:

http://poetrysnark.blogspot.com/

Hmmm. Got some reading to do there.

I like poetry snark’s bad attitude

“Let the sacred cow be milked…”

His lengthy sidebar of “Poets Snarked.”

“How many times have you lied about a poem?”

With some interesting links like:

http://www.porkysgarden.blogspot.com/

Now there’s a snarky blog name!

Porky’s Garden of Eloquence

“So twice five miles of fertile ground/ With walls and towers were girdled round/ And there was Porky's Garden bright with sinuous rills/ Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree/ And here were forests ancient as the hills/ Enfolding sunny spots of wankery.”

Porky opines eloquently:

“Porky’s Garden is a secret refuge in which scholars may engage in serene contemplation, reasonable discourse, and quiet fellowship. I've saved you a seat beneath the willow tree, friend.”

Continuing my online lacksidaisical labyrinthine schmoozing downward ever further into the louche depths of the lovely Snarkosphere, I delved into one of Porky’s exquistely decadent postings:

What does a ponce-say? I care not!!!

“The word "ponce" has a variety of meanings in the English-speaking cultures, and all of them are negative! In England, the term refers to an effete, decadent man, preoccupied with fashion and lacking in the wholesome vigour that is becoming to a male of the species.”

Naturally such “Blurbage” caught my ogling Eyeball right away—it was me!!!

“On the so called "Emerald-Isle" (decadent as it already is), the Irish use the term to refer to a procureror of prostitutes. And on the Isle of Man it is synonymous with vanity, buggery, and a "camp" that has naught to do with the hearty outdoorsmanship of sleeping under the stars!”

What excellent nuanced verbiage I said to myself.

“In all of the above cases, the word "ponce" is monosyllabic and intoned with a vitriol reserved for acrimonious profanity. Yet according to my PBS affiliate here in Chicago, the word is now pronounced as "pon-say." And, moreover, not only is it used upon the public airwaves supported by taxation of the electorate, but it is THE VERY NAME of the host of the daily television newsprogramme "Chicago Tonight."

“Each evening at 7pm, Phil Ponce purveys and proffers a decadent, liberal newsprogram, intended to sway leftwards the hearts and minds of the solidly-conservative Chicagoan. His agenda is, obviously, as dark and crafty as his tactics are! Just as he intends to create a normative attitude toward THE SCANDAL THAT IS HIS VERY SURNAME, so too does he intend to engender normative attitudes toward bigamy, sodomy, and hemlines that terminate above-the-knee!”

I suddenly realized that Mr. Pon-Say was my Snark Personae!!!

I’d call myself Porky Ponce!!!

Snarkette Newscaster Extraordinaire!!!

Viva Snarke-News TV!!!

I’d slip into his feckless journalistic mode— in my new Snarke blog!!!

www.snarke.com

Whenever it was time to pervert the citizenry of the Snarkosphere with my brand of snarky reportage—I’d slop it on Porky Ponce thick & juicy.
Like Janet Palin—thick and moosey!!!

Already my snarky Porky Ponce mind was pondering the piquant possibilities of Snarke du jour journalism…

And snarky scandal!!!



Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Snarkster



The Snarkster

She be snarkster—she snarks

She be wordster—she knows

She be domainer—she’s wired

She be queen bee—she rules


The Snarkster Plays the Domainin' Snark Game...

*

The Snarkster is constantly ISO her inner Snark. Being a wordster and a domainer, TS's brain is wired to be always on the outlook for interesting words to attach to a dot-something.

In addition to Snark.me, she has also discovered some other interesting Snark domains and has registered them; as of 9/28/2008, these domains (with two exceptions) are all redirected here to Snark.me and all Snark roads will continue leading here until the Snarkster can develop each one into a separate site.

The plan: to build a significant Snark empire. Can it happen?

Stay tuned.

________________________________________________________________

"The Hunting of the Snark" Animation



nemetizoli says,

illustration & animation by edit magyar

music by gzaq@yahoo.com

sound by oscotron, edit magyar

/CSM 2008./

________________________________________________________________


eSnark.com -- eSnark or e Snark
Electronic Snark? Internet Snark? Slap an "e" in front of every term, and you're connected in Cyberspace.
HuntingSnark.com -- Hunting Snark
Refers to Lewis Carroll's poem "The Hunting of the Snark"; Carroll, if you remember from grade school, wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
i-Snark.com -- i snark
Internet Snark? Electronic Snark? Slap an "i" in front of every term, and you're connected in Cyberspace.
i-Snarky.com -- i-Snarky or i Snarky

iSnarky.com -- iSnarky or i Snarky

McSnark.com -- McSnark or M.C. Snark
A REALLY cool domain for a really cool dude. McSnark could be a dingbat detective, M.C. Snark a rap snarker. Actually, both characters would fit in nicely within the Snarkosphere (see Snarkosphere.com on this list).
Snark.mobi -- Snark
WTF is .mobi? It was available and probably for good reason. Snark (supposedly) for your cell phone. Now if the .mobi people can just figure out how to work out the cell phone platform...
Snark.tv -- Snark or Snark TV
Oh, man, this domain has so many possibilities. It's a natural for a streaming video snark site, bringing to you the very best in daily snark. "Spare the snark, spoil the networks," notes the website Television Without Pity (TWOP), which would probably be Snark.tv's main competitor.
Snark-e.com -- Snark-e
(redirects to Snarke)

Snarkast.com -- Snarkast
Great for a broadcasting site, well, just dunno...maybe that's overreaching. Sounds cool, though.
Snark-e.com -- Snark-e
(redirects to Snarke)

Snark-i.com -- Snark-i

Snarke.com -- Snarke or Snark E
(website
-- Snarke)
An affectation of "Snark," for example, Olde Towne, Newe Snarke.

Well, it's only six letters, a dotcom, and Puget's new blog.
Snarket.com -- Snarket
If Snark trinkets are ever sold on Snark.me, Snarket.com will be the Snarket Market.
Snarkin.com -- Snarkin' or Snark in
A whole lot of Snarkin' goin' on, baby...
SnarkIt.com -- Snark It
Snark it, baby, and Snark my fire.
SnarkMe.com -- Snark Me
Redirects to Snark.me; if the Snarkster tells someone to "snark.me," guess what he or she will type into the browser box? Yep, you got it.
Snarkosphere.com -- Snarkosphere
Okay, so this is lame and pitiful on Google, but here's a chance to make a limping word go viral. Possible use: a Snarkosphere directory of other Snark websites.
SnarkSite.com -- Snark Site
In domain registration circles, it's considered exceedingly noob to register domain names that end in "site," but this one has a certain resonance to it. IMHO. Also a sibling to Snarksites.com...
SnarkSites.com -- Snark Sites
A Snark directory: in case Snarkosphere doesn't catch on--one never really knows what will rock the collective cultural boat--this a backup.
Snarksphere.com -- Snarksphere
See "Snarkosphere.com." If Snarkosphere ever goes viral, some dunderheads will insist on leaving that "o" out, so this is simply a defensive registration before the webmaster actually needs a defensive registration.
Snarkylicious -- Snarkylicious or Snarky Licious
Believe it or not, The Snarkster did not make this word up. It's a bit long, but it has that delightful, lip-smacking panache. Besides, the owner of the more logical Snarkalicious.com wanted an extravagant amount for it, so TS kicked in Plan B.
SnarkyMcSnark.com -- Snarky McSnark
Lame. But The Snarkster envisions Snarky McSnark as a bumbling character who inhabits--sometimes inhibiting--the Snark.me realm, spreading the Snark around.
_____________________________________________

The Snark. Caption:
"The Nature Man comes on Board the Snark," from The Cruise of the Snark, by Jack London, page 180.


Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!!




SNARKY SNARKY SNARKY!!!!!
—for Allen Ginsberg

Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! Snarky!!! The world is Snarky!!! The soul is Snarky!!! The skin is Snarky!!! Capitol Hill is Snarky!!! The Beltway is Snarky!!! I’m Snarky!!! McSame is Snarky!!! Palin is Snarky!!! Snarky Bush & Chaney!!! Snarky Nixon!!! Snarky Republicans!!! Snarky Democrats!!! Snarky Pricks!!! Snarky Paulson!!! Snarky Wall Street!!! Snarky Congress!!! Snarky Beltway!!! Snarky New York Times!!! Snarky FOX-News!!! My nose is Snarky!!! My tongue and cock and hand and my asshole Snarky!!! Snarky Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac!!! Snarky!!! Snarky the Congress!!! Snarky the Bailout Deal!!! Oh Snarky!!! Everything is Snarky!!! Everybody's Snarky!!! Everywhere is Snarky!!! Everyday is Snarky!!! Every Snarky minute!!! Everyman's a Snarky angel!!! My asshole is Snarky as the seraphim!!! Ginsberg the madman Snarky as you my soul are Snarky!!! Walt Whitman you’re Snarky!!! My computer is Snarky!!! This poem is Snarky!!! My voice is Snarky!!! You listeners Snarky!!! The ecstasy is Snarky!!! Snarky Kerouac Snarky Burroughs Snarky Neil Cassady!!! Snarky the unknown buggered and suffering faggots!!! Snarky the hideous human angels!!! Snarky the Holy Word!!! Snarky the pricks of Poughkeepsie!!! Snarky the old cocks of the grandfathers of Kansas!!! Snarky the groaning zithers!!! Snarky the Arkansas Apocalypse! Snarky the Holy Rollers of Alaska!!! Snarky the Baby Boomers hipsters peace and war!!! Snarky the solitudes of Empire State Building and Art Deco!!! Snarky the Couch Potatoes with their millions of Eyeballs!!!! Snarky the mysterious rivers of tears under the streets!!! Snarky the Rings of Saturn!!! Snarky the Vandals of the Void!!! Snarky Bomba the Jungle Boy!!! Snarky the slaughtered lamb of the bourgeoisie!!! Snarky Paul Newman “Hud” dead today!!!! Snarky Baghdad!!! Snarky Moscow!!! Snarky Hollywood!!! Snarky Los Angeles!!! Snarky New York!!! Snarky San Francisco!!! Snarky Peoria!!! Snarky Seattle!!! Snarky Paris!!! Snarky Rome!!! Snarky Istanbul! Snarky Hump Tulips!!! Snarky Manhattan!!! Snarky time in eternity!!! Snarky eternity in time!!! Snarky the cocks in space!!! Snarky the fourth dimension!!! Snarky the fifth dimension !!! Snarky the Angel in macho Moloch!!! Snarky the sea!!! Snarky the desert!!! Snarky the sky!!! Snarky the airport tearooms!!! Snarky cute Congressional pages!!! Snarky the hot dogs and baseball games!!! Snarky Princeton!!! Snarky Harvard Business School!!! Snarky the sad lost great American highschool Abyss!!! Snarky forgiveness!!! Mercy!!! Charity!!! Faith!!! Snarky me!!! Snarky you!!! Suffering world!!! Snarky us!!! Snarky magnanimity!!! Snarky the supernatural extrabrilliant intelligent Snarkiness of the soul!!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Wall Street in Tatters, The Bitchfest Smackdown Continues!!!!

*
______________________________________________________________

Is McCain Sarah Palin's Bitch?



LisaNova says,

http://lisanovalive.com

Alaskan Governer Sarah Palin is John McCain's VP running mate.

Sarah Palin played by LisaNova

Dan Oster as John McCain

http://www.youtube.com/user/commander...

**Questions to answer in comment section:

1) What do you think of Sarah Palin, McCain's choice
for VP?

2) Do you think he chose her solely for political reasons?

3) Are people being too tough on her?

4) Is her inexperience equivalent to Obama's?

5) Would you be comfortable with her as President?

6) Who is going to win the election in November? Do
you care?

7) Do you think having Sarah Palin as VP will sway a lot of Hillary Clinton supporters to vote McCain? Follow LisaNova on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/Lisa_Nova
Or post comments on Snark.me

______________________________________________________________

Sarah Palin Exclusive Interview with Charles Gibson on ABC!!



LisaNova says,

Please answer comment questions!

1. What did you think of the Sarah Palin Interview?

2. Were you impressed with her knowledge of the issues?

3. Did Charlie Gibson press her enough with his questions?

4. Did the interview alter your impression of her?

5. Why don't you think she's willing to give more interviews?

Charles Gibson played by Dan Oster

http://www.youtube.com/user/commander...

Sarah Palin played by Lisa Donovan aka LisaNova
Post here at Snark.me

______________________________________________________________

The Snarkster worries about her money.

Watch as President Bush and his cronies fritter away taxpayer money.

Do we REALLY want to own failing banks, Mortgage Companies, and Freddie and Fanny?
*

Thursday, September 25, 2008

McSame after the Debate



McSame after the Debate

—based on Claude Debussy’s ballet The Martyrdom of St. Sebastian

Palin Morph




GOP Snark Opera (2008)


GOP Snark Opera

"Come on, talk to God about this woman. We declare, save her from Satan," Muthee said as two attendants placed their hands on Palin's shoulders. "Make her way my God. Bring finances her way even for the campaign in the name of Jesus. ... Use her to turn this nation the other way around."
________
Speaking in tongues—
Modern-day skanky prophesy,
Faith healing, sweaty
Smarmy laying of hands.

Snarky towns & cities—
Smarmy-looking streets
Whose people surely deserve
Better than this...

Smarm!!! Smarm!!!
Smarmy moons waxing and
Wormy, pulling down the
Crummy starlit marquee…

Bleak smarmy faces—
Forever getting more snaky,
Midnight on the Moon-dial,
Oozing razors and ouzo…

Mountain pukey peaks—
Skyscrapers draped in
Sleek skanky art deco,
Plus humble hunchbacks…

Pinhead pretty boyz—
Pale precocious pouty,
Schmoozing their way
Thru labyrinthine alleys…

Mazes of snorkeled
Smarty certitude and
Deepening scummy
Sacrilegious douchebags…









Deconstructing Betty Davis


Deconstructing Borges





Pinhead Pretty Boyz






















Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Eulalie



Eulalie

I dwell alone—
In world of moan
And my soul comes and
Goes like a stagnant old tide
How many scenes of departed bliss
How many thoughts of entombed hopes
How many hyacinthine purple-ensembles gay
How many satins and jewels off to the graveyard
How many hearts broken beneath Eldorado dreams
How many tottering moons falling from tortured skies
How many sighing and sobbing sad has-been poets
How many times extinguished Puritan pansies
How many moon-tints of purple and pearl
How many careless curls hiding her eyes
How many times Eulalie’s gone smiles
How many flaking sapphires
Till Eulalie my dead bride
Comes back to me?

Lenore



Lenore

Ah tacky Golden Bowl!!!
Your Spirit done Flown the Coop!!!
Toll the Funeral Bells, honey!!!
I’m going to do my Stygian Drag…

I’m Edgar Allan Poe, my dears—
Hast thou no Shame or Sorrow?
Shed you not One Tacky Tear?
Do you not know my sad drear Tale?
I’m America’s Dead Sweetheart!!!

Come, I’ll tell you the Story—
My Funeral Swan Song so Blue.
I who died so Young and Sweet,
Done in by Horace Greeley and
All those Jealous Queenly Snots.

Wretched queer Madame Griswold—
Who hated me with all her Closetry
And Faggy Pride, doing me in bad,
How shall future American Littérateurs
View my tacky Murder Most Foul?

The Evil Eye of Baltimore—
The Baltimore Sun’s scurrilous lies
The Evil Queen of The NY Tribune
They murdered me silencing
My Eloquent Tongue Too Early.

Sabbath Sun of the Deep South—
May your Dixie Dead rot in Hell
For I am Lenore, down here deep,
Premature burial my poet’s reward
Rotting in your lousy Baltimore Dirt…


How long in this stinking Graveyard—
Have I been waiting for you my
Debonair Clairvoyant Future Poet?
To channel my Voice from the Past
Made Angel-Flight by your Words?

This House of Mirth and Sorrow—
A dingy dreary damned Mansion,
My Tragic Muse speaks thru you
From dreary Hell’s own Real Estate…
Avant!!! Arise Snarky Poet!!!

Snarkabel Lee



Snarkabel Lee

It’s been more than a thousand years ago—
In a little Roadhouse down by the Sea,
That a guy like me lived whom you might know
By the smart sexy name of Snarkabel Lee
And I lived everyday with no other thought
Than to love those Bikers down by the Sea.

I was happy and gay as Liberace, my dears—
In that Roadhouse of Sin down by the Sea
And my love was the love of Delilah for Samson
For I was the lewd Size Queen Snarkabel Lee
And all the young Truckers and winged Biker
Seraphs of SM Heaven, they coveted me.

And that’s the reason so very long ago—
In that Ratty Roadhouse down by the Sea
My little Ass wiggled with joy and laughter
For I was the Queen Bee Snarkabel Lee,
My high cheekbones and haughty Tits
Bore me away each & every Lost Weekend
To that Elysian Emporium Love Pit down
By the Sea called the lovely No Tell Motel.

Hunky biker Angels knew me so well—
Better than even I knew myself dontchaknow
Yes, that’s the reason Men are so nice,
Down there in the Roadhouse by the Sea,
They know what all dangerous men know
How to chill and thrill a Queen to death.

My Love grew stronger and stronger—
The young cute Bikers were so Seminal
Far wiser than them though, my dears,
Was I, Snarkabel Lee Drag Queen by the Sea
I knew their greasy oily Death Angel ducktails
And slim Hog-Riding hips better than them!


Moon beams coming down thru motel blinds—
Doing them in, bulging their ogling Eyeballs,
Their snarky climaxes my Rough Trade of Love,
How well they knew my virgin retread Lips


Going down on their hard Harley-Dave Dicks
Turning motel rooms into sexy Sepulchers of
The Living Dead Hard Breathing Lizard Boyz
That I was used to sucking dry to the Bone…




"How rude, I've been snarked!?!"

"Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts"--George Will



“Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts”—George Will

Douglas Holtz-Eakin the Cook, McSame seated, Palin on his lap, the Cheshire Cat and Alice

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/22/AR2008092202583.html?nav=hcmodule














Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Snarky Trolls of the Blogosphere



Snarky Trolls of the Blogosphere

Trolls are everywhere—
They’re down there in the subways
When you least expect it watch out
They pose as if they’re simply normal
Yet they reveal themselves occasionally
Trolls are disguised and disgusting
Especially the ones in New York City
Trolls are everywhere—
Trolls haunt the Blogosphere
They slither & slide—so snarkily
Trolls are sharks—of the Snarkosphere
They gobble up surfers—here & there
Old tires and garbage—you name it
Pilot fish & bottom fish—follow them
Scummy little sycophantic slime-balls
A happy little school—for sick scandal
Some want attention—ugly flashers
Others hurt inside—wanna get even
Some bored-of playing with themselves
Others never grow-up—eternal freaks
Some are retired assholes—varicose-veined
Others are Joe Six-Packs—wanting a thrill
Some are malcontents—working for TPTB
Professional Trolls—hired keyboard sluts
Some patrol the Blogs—and Blab away
Some Lurk and Smirk—closet-case types
Others troll literary sites—snarky & cool
Mostly gossiping in empty contest forums
Some troll in Drag—calling themselves Lulu
Others butch it up—Big Daddy dumb types
Some are smart—some are just smart-ass
Others are Pinheads—some Bearded Ladies.
Some are Carnival Freaks—Penguin Boyz
Others are Alligator Boyz—Scaly Trash
Some are Creepazoids and Cockroaches
Others are Sneaky Little Centipedes—
All crawly legs and quivering Antennae
Some are Rats—hiding in the Wainscoting
Coming out to nibble on smegma dick-cheese
Others are Zombie Boyz who love dead meat
They live in the Sewers where there’s heat
Some are Creatures from the Black Lagoon
Lonely sad Lizards without girlfriends
Others are always hiding under rocks
But they all have one thing in common—
They’re parasites of modern technology…
It makes one wonder what in the world
They did with themselves before the Net?


The Snarkster Tries to Understand the Motives of the Internet Troll But Simply Ends Up Scratching Her Head...

*
The Troll: Everywhere, Yet Nowhere
___________________________________________________________________


So what is The Internet Troll?

Simply defined, The Internet Troll is a two-legged (homo-sapiens) creature that finds internet forums and posts spam, porn, and/or general vitriol, mostly libelous statements that often include accusations of horrific crimes.

Note that TS does NOT include "controversial" information in this definition. Although controversial statements can be debated and even denounced, they are not necessarily libelous. In fact, controversy is the vital cornerstone of a true democracy and an important tool of the whistle blower.

Without using internet dictionaries and encyclopedias, The Snarkster will delineate among Troll types and explain the common characteristics of Internet Trolls. She will not name specific Trolls, preferring to focus on the general as opposed to the specific Troll.

TS will then compare her homespun definition with Wikipedia's.

If you, dear readers, have any anything to add to Trollology, let TS know, and she will add to this to the body of knowledge, which is, unfortunately, based on personal experience.

So if you are a Troll, you need not bother--and you know who you are, and through the miracle of technology, TS will know who you are.

For the sake of clarity, The Snarkster will refer to the Troll as "he," simply because women tend to act out in sneakier ways. However, TS does not entirely dismiss the possibility and even probability of vicious female Trolls and actually remembers one who, years ago, trolled at a major commercial writing forum.

The Snarkster offers three types of Internet Trolls:

Hit-and-run Troll. A guest or newbie member who posts spam and porn on internet forums. This type of Troll holds no personal grudge against the forum, admin, or members. He simply invades for profit; it matters not if the forum is about writing and poetry--like Poets.net--or whaling. He happily writes automatic scripts, which then crawl the web to find the holes and vulnerabilities of forum structures. This type of Troll is why forum web developers have created those annoying captchas or why some forums are "by admin approval only" or "by invitation only."

Newbie or "Noob" Troll. A regular member who, at some perceived slight or disagreement with admin or other members, morphs into a Troll and starts posting targeted vitriol (name calling and potential libel) toward specific members or admin. Occasionally, with patience and reasoning by admin and members, the Noob Troll can be nudged back to "regular member" status. In some more restrictive forums, this member never gets the chance and is often banned outright.

The Professional Troll. This Troll will often join a forum for the express purpose of inciting a cyber-riot among other members and disrupting the forum with libelous accusations that are totally unrelated to the topic of the forum. The Pro Troll's entire purpose seems to consist of joining forums that are at least tangentially related to his interests. In other words, The Pro Troll writer is not likely to join a NASCAR forum, unless he also happens to be interested in NASCAR racing. The Pro is obsessed with some aspect of the forum--perhaps a specific member or admin--although his specific disagreements are often puzzling and directed to everyone associated with the forum, even toward those who disagree with each other. No one is exempt from his spew.

What makes the Pro Troll so insidious is his apparent reasonableness at the beginning of his membership. In his opening posts, while he often publicly disagrees with the culture of the forum, he does not really raise red flags and may even skirt the attention of admin.

But his posts quickly escalate into inflammatory statements about other members that verge on libel, but not quite, more of the "Your-mother-wears-Army-boots" variety. At this point, in most forums, the Pro Troll and his IP are banned, either temporarily (with a warning) or permanently.

If he's allowed to remain, TS suspects that he's checking out the posting habits of admin to see when he/she is offline. Meanwhile, he gets into a tussle with another member, which may escalate into Trolldom, at least temporarily (this other member may simply be overreacting to the Troll and, given a chance, often reverts back to regular human being).

Then the Troll Pro pounces. Waiting until admin is offline, he bombs the forum with extremely libelous statements (poorly written and inarticulate), usually targeted toward one or two specific members. He focuses on members who are not anonymous and attaches their full names and cities to the accusations. He threatens to email their bosses "with proof." He often accuses these members of horrific crimes, such as molestation or even murder. He offers no proof, however, and when asked, simply skirts the question, just to say he "has proof." At this point, admin is likely to ban him and his IP permanently.

However, by this time, the damage has been done, and after banning the Troll, admin must delete the libelous statements, especially when the libeled members request deletion. (When this happens, the owner of the forum is legally obligated to remove the libelous statements or face possible litigation). Unfortunately, The Pro Troll has totally bombed the forum with these statements and finding and deleting them takes some time. Often, other members will help admin root them out.

But, exactly what is "libel"? See here for a broad-based definition of this often misused term.

Characteristics of the Pro Troll:

  • He's anonymous, but he doesn't take great care in hiding his true identity. When someone hints at or even reveals his true identity, however, he threatens to sue. Yet he loves "outting" other anonymous people (although he's mostly wrong).


  • He's probably an older male, possibly retired (or has been forced to resign from his job and could be working at a menial job not commensurate with his education and training). He's angry and bored and so uses the internet to vent. In the old days, he would have spent his days sitting by himself at the K-Mart lunch counter, grumbling to no one in particular. Meanwhile, the other retired guys hanging out there would have given him wide berth.


  • He carries grudges from slights experienced decades ago and misplaces his anger on people in a similar field but who have had nothing to do with his situation. It's quite likely he has brought on his own troubles but refuses to acknowledge his own complicity.


  • He often projects his own weaknesses and perversions onto others; for example, when he accuses someone of molestation, well, watch out for your children.


  • His vitriol posts are often inarticulate, ignoring the basic rules of grammar and spelling, yet his more "reasonable" posts are more carefully crafted. In all his posts, he swears a lot. His favorite: leveling the "f" bomb all over (Yawn...).


  • He's an angry, yet pitiful, person who has no friends and is alienated from much of his family. If he has a wife or significant other, she may have been (or still is) a victim of his anger. It's more likely that he's divorced and lives alone.


  • He's a serial Troll; once he has been banned from one forum, he simply goes to the next and starts the cycle all over.


  • Irony: he may be a fairly stable member of one forum because it offers him a place to go where he won't feel so lonely. Still, even there, he could go Pro Troll at any moment.


  • Except for the perennial smirk and sneer on his face, he probably looks very ordinary--not at all like the photo above ;=).

Wikipedia definition:
An Internet troll, or simply troll in Internet slang, is someone who posts controversial and irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum or chat room, with the intention of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.

The Snarkster has one question: Why bother creating and maintaining a forum if introducing controversy is considered "trolling"?

The Wikipedia article continues,

Application of the term troll is highly subjective. Some readers may characterize a post as trolling, while others may regard the same post as a legitimate contribution to the discussion, even if controversial. The term is often used to discredit an opposing position, or its proponent, by argument fallacy ad hominem.

Often, calling someone a troll makes assumptions about a writer's motives. Regardless of the circumstances, controversial posts may attract a particularly strong response from those unfamiliar with the robust dialogue found in some online, rather than physical, communities. Experienced participants in online forums know that the most effective way to discourage a troll is usually to ignore him or her, because responding tends to encourage trolls to continue disruptive posts — hence the often-seen warning: "Please do not feed the trolls."

Frequently, someone who has been labelled a troll by a group may seek to redeem their reputation by discrediting their opponents, for example by claiming that other members of the group are closed-minded, conspirators, or trolls themselves.

The Snarkster's definition is probably a bit more focused toward the outrageous than Wikipedia's, which suggests a more broad definition for a plethora of "unpleasant" online behaviors.

It seems that every forum offers its unique culture and tolerance levels; at Poets.net, we value freedom of expression and controversial viewpoints. Still, the type of Internet Troll as defined by TS does not invite intellectual discussion but simply disrupts and libels (for no good reason) and so must be banned.

The Professional Troll is more interested in ruining a person's reputation than in engaging in lively online discussions.

By the way, for all Pro Trolls, here's a place for you:

They Banned Me

Their spiel:

...If you're here with fresh hate in your heart because you just got banned and want to lash out at the assholes who exploded the ban bomb on you or if you're just sick of the ludicrous drama surrounding most online forums and want a place to crash where no one gives a fuck what you do, go register (it's free!) to join the largest assemblage of trolls, flamers, asshats and douche bags on the planet.

To a very specific Pro Troll:
Man, if you can't find a home at They Banned Me, then you are truly hopeless, fuckwad (one of their favorite words--you'll love their level of articulation).


___________________________________________________________

A Brief History of Internet Trolls



boingboingtv

___________________________________________________________

*