Monday, January 4, 2010

Murder at Midnight (1975): BETTER than Plan 9 From Outer Space!


The hit movie you never saw!

With famous people you have never known!

Filmed with cinematography never before used!

Tarts and old farts!

Stock characters!

Familiar plot line!

Classical Music!

April Love!




Blood and Gore (and not Al)!

Family drama!


Bad acting!

Over emoting!

Homespun wardrobes!

Continuity issues!

Move over, Plan 9!

There is a rumor circulating that the actors in this film are still stuck in the 1970's and can't get out.

This is like Groundhog Day, only longer ago and cheaper!


After 35 years in hiding, each actor has broken his or her silence:

The flirty maid:
"One can die via poisoned Kool Aid only so many times before it starts to get old." She tosses down her feather duster. "Take that, you!"
The old man reading the will:
"These bit parts are KILLING me. Literally. I'm as mad as a red squirrel on crack."
The old man's wife:
"Good heavens! If I don't get out of here soon, I'll just have to serve up a big red herring and feed it to the Mad Squirrel!"
The boy Cuthbert:
"When do I get to grow up? It's time to lose the curls and don the long pants and find a hot babe." He picks at his crotch. "And, uh, I have to go wee wee."
Cuthbert's mother:
"Good heavens! When my agent said, 'Your role will involve a lot of twists and turns,' who knew?"
Cuthbert's dad:
"It's kind of hard being both a renowned director and a megastar, but, by God, I've got to to try. If I gotta die early in the plot, it's gonna be BIG and spectacular!"
Jeeves the butler:
"I have been typecast all my life!"
Inspector Clodnoggin:
"Will I EVER hit puberty?"
Dr. Z:
"I'm quite happy the way things are. Hand me a book, any book, the phone book, and I'm good."
Dr. Z's wife:
"If you poke me with that umbrella again, I'll squeeze your chubby little cheeks, all four of them."
The midget:
"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you. All of you."