Murder at Midnight (1975): BETTER than Plan 9 From Outer Space!

 

Murder at Midnight

The hit movie you never saw!

With famous people you have never known!

Filmed with cinematography never before used!

Tarts and old farts!

Stock characters!

Familiar plot line!

Classical Music!

April Love!

Cliches!

Money!

Evil!

Blood and Gore (and not Al)!

Family drama!

Melodrama!

Bad acting!

Over emoting!

Homespun wardrobes!

Continuity issues!

Move over, Plan 9!

There is a rumor circulating that the actors in this film are still stuck in the 1970's and can't get out.

This is like Groundhog Day, only longer ago and cheaper!

Travesty!

After 35 years in hiding, each actor has broken his or her silence:

The flirty maid:

"One can die via poisoned Kool Aid only so many times before it starts to get old." She tosses down her feather duster. "Take that, you!"

The old man reading the will:

"These bit parts are KILLING me. Literally. I'm as mad as a red squirrel on crack."

The old man's wife:

"Good heavens! If I don't get out of here soon, I'll just have to serve up a big red herring and feed it to the Mad Squirrel!"

The boy Cuthbert:

"When do I get to grow up? It's time to lose the curls and don the long pants and find a hot babe." He picks at his crotch. "And, uh, I have to go wee wee."

Cuthbert's mother:

"Good heavens! When my agent said, 'Your role will involve a lot of twists and turns,' who knew?"

Cuthbert's dad:

"It's kind of hard being both a renowned director and a megastar, but, by God, I've got to to try. If I gotta die early in the plot, it's gonna be BIG and spectacular!"

Jeeves the butler:

"I have been typecast all my life!"

Inspector Clodnoggin:

"Will I EVER hit puberty?"

Dr. Z:

"I'm quite happy the way things are. Hand me a book, any book, the phone book, and I'm good."

Dr. Z's wife:

"If you poke me with that umbrella again, I'll squeeze your chubby little cheeks, all four of them."

The midget:

"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you. All of you."

*

Different Versions of Numa Numa (Dragostea Din Tei), by O-Zone

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English Version



Japanese Version



Lion King Version



Misheard Version



Osama Bin Laden's Version



I-Don't-Know-Why-This-is-Viral Version (LOL)



Yoda's Version



Storm Trooper Version



Chipmunk Version



Elmo and Grover's Version



Elijah Wood Version



Are you sick of this song yet?

The Snarkster's four-year-old granddaughter isn't, so this post is dedicated to her.

Enjoy, little Snarklet!
*

Hitler Gets Banned From Wikipedia

What is a "Car Czar"?

*
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You Never Give Me Your Money, The Beatles



randomjoe2000

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Is a Car Czar a dot gov kind of guy or gal?

Does the Car Czar drive a big flashy American car?

Does the Car Czar wear a crown?

Pinkie rings?

A carnation on his/her pocket?

Does the Car Czar smoke a giant stogie?

Does the Car Czar hang out with the Drug Czar?

What do two Czars talk about?

Cars and Drugs? How to build a Czar Car?

To stash Czar Drugs into a secret space?

Never mind How to Build Green...

Will the Car Czar make The Big Three Tow The Line?

Or will the Car Czar (wink, wink) slip The Three Beggars

Cool billions without a blink?

Will the Car Czar hand out money like carnival candy?

Hire me.

I'm available, and I would make a great Car Czar.

My name will be Scrooge.

You will have to kneel before me

Serf hat in hand.

My Car Czar checkbook before me,

Big quill pen in hand,

Nib hovering over paper.

You will have to take a Car Czar test:

First question (Choose One):

When you are asked to testify before Congress,

A) You fly to Washington in your private jet.

B) Your flunky drives you to Washington in a hybrid car.

C) You go coach on Amtrak (where you will be required to sit in front of a young mother and her two squawking babies).

D) You walk from Detroit to Washington, wearing a sandwich board that says,

"My name is Big BAD CEO, and I'm a recovering spendaholic."

You know the right answer.

I will lend you money,

But you shall obey my Ten Commandments:

1. Thou shalt dance like a marionette before me and worship no other special interest groups.

2. Thou shalt build green cars.

3. Thou shalt innovate on a budget.

4. Thou shalt pay your workers a fair wage.

(But only after the unions have knelt down before me with their own promises.)

5. Thou shalt repay the taxpayers (with interest).

6. Thou shalt not covet big bonuses for thyself and/or cronies.

7. Thou shalt share profits with workers and taxpayers.

8. Thou shalt present weekly budgets to the Car Czar and account for every penny spent.

9. For major projects, thou shalt first get my permission to proceed.

10. When all is said and done, thou shalt not beg for more money, and you shall treat this bailout with great respect and honor.

Hire me, and I will require only a small living-wage salary.

In fact, the Car Czar should do the job for nothing,

A reasonable bonus

To be paid ONLY

If the Car Czar

Succeeds.

Capitalism in Poetry.
*

The Walrus and the Carpenter (Lewis Carroll, 1832-1898)

*
A scene from "The Walrus and the Carpenter," by Lewis Carroll, drawn by Sir John Tenniel, 1871. Wikipedia _______________________________________________________________________

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"


"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

From Through the Looking-Glass, published in December 1871.

_______________________________________________________________________

The Walrus and the Carpenter, 1951 Disney Version



Neclea

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A Farewell to George W. Bush, Perhaps a Bit Premature, But the Snarkster Can Barely Wait to Ring in Barack Obama...

*
What? Me worry?

See the white space below? Highlight for a special message:
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White space, like W's presidency.

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sethp5
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You've done helluva job, Bushie, simply the best.

What will The Snarkster do now for snarky content?

Tuvok Obama?


Photo courtesy of Photochopz

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Naw.

Too hunka, hunka, burning love.

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FormerlyJesus
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Is this the end of Snark as we know it?

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Burning Love, Elvis Presley (Hunka, Hunka Burning Love)



maca14

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Will this be the theme of Barack Obama's presidency????
*

Hologram: "Jessica Yellin, You're My Only Hope" (???)

*

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Election Night Technological Miracle



Artloverrr

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The Snarkster is speechless at the pointlessness of CNN's new technological toy.

And it all may be fake, if you believe this source.

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Hologram Technology Explained by CNN Senior VP David Bohrman



911PersonalityCult

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*

The Kiss of the Spider Woman

The Kiss of the Spider Woman (1985)

http://www.snarke.com/

“Try to remember”
—Manuel Puig,
Kiss of the Spider Woman

It’s so gratifying to see—
The barracuda diva go rogue
Like La Manuela in “The Kiss
Of the Spider Woman…”
Incarnating the submissive—
Degraded part of women rebelling
Against the usual fascist pigs;
So that women identify with him,
Thus “The Kiss” provokes precisely
The political impact Puig wants
To produce in women…

Fabulations…musician José Iturbi—
Both films for Molina’s chic lovely
Nightly daughter, Jane Powell,
who falls in love with Famous actor,
“Holiday in Mexico” (1946), Her
Hollywood musical life as
Ambassador’s singer Who goes
for fame & fortune… Her Mafioso
magnate “Hipócrita” (1949)
A marvelous Mexican flick…
About doomed cabaret
Buenos Aires in bits & pieces—
Based loosely on Berlin…

Molina and Valentín—
de jour prison life in death,
death in life… humid sexuality,
Brutalizing/being brutalized,
Captive narratives derigeur,
Dead men soup and death in
dark Voodoo cane fields of
slavery, Oppression Zombie,
A Val Lewton-Jacques Tourneur
Tale of love sullen Jane Eyre
I Walked with Ze zombies
of desire, my dear, Just ask

*

Just ask famous Miss Sirk—
clichés of power… society:
A reliance on formulae,
kitschy Convention, excess,
exaggeration, And ways that
confer cinematic Illusion
in a totalitarian state playing
Erotic excess vs. aggressive
evil American cinema, His
successful melodramas such
Scathing satires Hollywood
‘50s, cult queen bee

*

Lana Turner glamorous diva—
USA Sunset Blvd Hollywood—
Her Imitations of Life… LA,
Berlin & Buenos Aries—Evita’s
Nazi Argentina, Postwar twist:
Always returning back home
Again, whether femme fatale
new National Socialist
platinum blonde (1959) or
Glamorous woman of the
Femme Sapphire stage,
diamond goddess, lovely
imitations of life

*

WASHINGTON DC (1980)—
Her Filmography…weeks viewing
“Mein Leber fur die Liebe” in
the Library of Congress’ newly
Acquired Nazi Reagan subtle
Compared with Zarah, & she
Became 3 strong-actress types
Which queens identified with
before Stonewall, mimicking
their gestures, doing her drag
queen routine—(an arcane LP
of Zarah Leander hits)…

*

Hollywood ‘50s movies—
To be born-again, slick.
Fiction & Bondage, Slave
POTUS dystopian love,
Sheathed in smooth latex
body-stocking, Waiting to
get hot for her, Moody
young rebel to free her
melodramatic imagination
languishing like Molina for
The Valentín Show, her
moody man class-struggle
act boyfriend, held captive by
Raving fans in LA, hoping
the poets and Painters,
midnight Left Bank, leading
a debauched life with cute
South American playboy tangos,
Her rich Argentine dictator-father,
Letting her hang out with his
young Junta lieutenants

NEW YORK (1976-1979)—
Lubitsch, starring Evelyn Brent
and Emil Jannings… Command
(Josef von Sternberg, titles by
Herman Mankiewicz), based on
Satan’s Sorrows (Lyade Putti,
Glamorous German accent),
The Last & the Devil (Gilbert/Garbo),
White Moth, Hoopla (Clara Bow),
Musicals, campy melodramas,
Screening 16mm antiques…
Hotel Imperial, Student Prince,
Flesh MoMa viewing silent
teens and Twenties Romantic
comedies

*

She found the 1920’s—
More explicit before censorship:
Asta Nielsen’s Hamlet (1920),
Playing a woman posing as a boy
Because the throne needed a
Descendent, immediately,
Horatio in love with her/him
All the way, ashamed of his
Homo feelings, until the end
When he embraced the dead
Hamlet and felt a tit!!!

She felt the desire—
all the prison bars, shadowing
the underlying aesthetic of
Androgyny & Desire. Argentine
Kiss—The Evita Peron Kiss,
the young Latino Kiss, libido
flowing thru her as one more
Rita Hayward got to go mad,
Clarifying the American Kiss
as well as the many ways it
made her who she was—
Willing to play herself Spider
Woman, The need to continue
her little Hollywood soiree,
the erotic Tortures made to
Remember her obsessions,
The need to fabulate her
Hollywood, The Kiss…

*

The activity of this page—
Trans-fictions? Easy glutted
with the Usual power, pride,
politics & Hurricane
Parades down Canal Street,
New Orleans ancient seaport,
the degradation that diva’s
Have to go thru, Mardi Gras
Parades convoluted blame,
Slinky cinema culture in
Love with itself, disgusted
With what she’s doing with
this pastiche-like Press-book,
POMO Movie showing her
footnotes both closety &
symposium-esque, her
Divahood just isn’t it

*

Their conversation—
“But didn’t you major in
poli-sci?” “Yes, political
sciences. But go on with
the Film, I’ll tell you some
other time.” “And, by the
Way, art’s not just something
For women. One of these days
They’ll realize who’s the fag
Around here.” “Sure. But what
About the film?” “Okay, so then
The majordomo…”

“But what about the film?”
“Okay, so then The majordomo…”
“One of these days, They’ll
realize who’s the fag Around
here.” “Sure. The Way, art’s
not just something For men.
I’ll tell you some other time.”
“And, political sciences.”
“But go on with the Film,”
“But didn’t you major in
poli-sci?” “Yes…”

CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*


The Snarkster is voting for

Barack Obama!
The McCain Adsters are wasting their money bombing this site with political ads!!!

John McCain's Precious vs. The Wicked Witch of the West

*




'Nuff said.
*

If Maverick-y Sarah Palin Were a Democrat...

*

Earlier today, a charming piece of RNC propaganda arrived at The Snarkster's abode, so she thought it might be fun to do a little mischief on it and play around with the reverse message to create a political cleave poem--in Obama's favor, of course.

You Betcha!!! So let's cleave for Barack Obama!!!

If Obama were in the Army, you'd call him -- A FIVE-STAR GENERAL

If he were an athlete, you'd call him -- A GOLD MEDALIST

If he were a plumber, you'd call him -- A MUCH IN-DEMAND MASTER PROFESSIONAL

If he were a student, you'd call him -- A PH.D. CANDIDATE (ABD)

If he were your doctor, you'd call him -- ASAP!!!!

_________________________________________________________________

Sarah Palin Remix "Doggone it, Darn Right, You Betcha."



darencomp says,

Sarah Palin explains her qualifications to be VP through the power of breakbeat.

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*

Warped, but Totally Cool...

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Mental Hospital Escape - Caught on tape!!



bellskope says,

World Debut of Award-winning comic Ieden Wall pulls a once-in-a-lifetime stunt in his acclaimed reality show. In this pilot episode of "The Dream Chaser" series, Ieden attempts to bust a depressed inmate out of a psychiatric hospital to help him realize his dream. This segment is shocking, hysterical and uplifting all at the same time. For more info go to www.dreamchasershow.com

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Pukey Political Poem

Pukey Political Poem

Puzzling, isn’t it—how prissy pricks
seem to predominate the pukey political
prognostications lately? Which begs

the question—just how pukey are these

petty proletariat pushy prowling politicians?

As well as perhaps—without sounding
too presumptuous—what perchance,
one might ponder, is the puke level
of the esteemed personages of this
lovely little creative coffee-klatch
schmooze-pit process called debates
and the exciting election trail? We,

the aforementioned participants of

the Titanic—we the precious provincial
couch-potato passengers of this little
ship of fools—we who work daily, pay
the bills, desperately spawning and
clogging the polls with high hopes,
unfailing flatulence, snarky puke
and smarmy quackery? Are we not

the cat’s meow? Anxious again for

yet another "creative" election?

Argentina, Wall Street, pukey

Enron scams—welcome to the

delightful dingy dystopian

charming Third World?

"On the Internet..."

*
"...nobody knows you're a dog."

________________________________________________________

For YEARS, this New Yorker cartoon by P. Steiner hung on The Snarkster's office bulletin board.

Just gotta LOVE those cartoons!

________________________________________________

I am Curious Dog....



blusky55
________________________________________________

*

"Heard you're getting older. Just three words to say it about it..."

*
From my dear, sweet husband, who knows me all too well....






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Birthday Song, The Beatles



KnowGuitar

______________________________________________________________*

Don't Worry, Be Happy (Bobby McFerrin)

*
To Christopher (and to anyone else who may be in a funk on this day):


___________________________________________________________




6MartateE9

Now back to our regularly scheduled Snark...

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*

Best American Poetry 2008: The Cartoon *Begins*!! (Jim Behrle)

*
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Jim Behrle's site

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See this thread on Poets.net.

*

All Along the Campaign Trail!

*
"Yowza, Yowza!"
___________________________________________________________________


In the other gardens -- On the endless networks

And all up the vale, -- And all through cyberspace,

From the autumn bonfires -- From Springtime surprises

See the smoke trail! -- Now see how they placed!

*

Pleasant summer over -- Conventions now passed

And all the summer flowers, -- And all summer potshots,

The red fire blazes, -- O'Biden blazes hot,

The grey smoke towers. --McPalin does not.

*

Sing a song of seasons! -- Sing a song of absurdity!

Something bright in all! -- All frightful in Fall!

Flowers in the summer, -- Hucksters all through Summer,

Fires in the fall! -- One winner nabs all!

--Seed Poem: "Autumn Fires," Robert Louis Stevenson

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Entry of the Gladiators, Pennywise the Clown



circa687
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*

Mavericks (Cleave Poetry)

*
Mavericks: The McPalin Team*
____________________________________________________________

(Apologies to William Wordsworth)

The cock is crowing -- The Mav'rick a-groaning

The stream is flowing -- The bullshit a-running

The small birds twitter -- The GOP a-flitter

The lake doth glitter -- The banks a-slippin'

The green field sleeps in the sun; -- In fog, the Moose a-hidin'

The oldest and youngest -- He and She wanna-bees

Are at work with the strongest; -- At odds with odds the longest;

The cattle are grazing, -- Joe's six-packs are amazin'

Their heads never raising; -- Their polls ne'er a-risin';

There are forty feeding like one! -- Seven hundred billion? Who won?

*

Like an army defeated -- The Mav'ricks march unheeded

The snow hath retreated, -- The rescue near defeated,

And now doth fare ill -- Almost disappearin' to nil

On the top of the bare hill; -- Come the Dems to save the bill;

The plowboy is whooping--anon-anon: -- Former playboy, flound'ring--Viet-nam:

There's joy in the mountains; -- There's no joy in mudslinging;

There's life in the fountains; -- No life in the campaignin';

Small clouds are sailing, -- There's a-slumpin' in autumn,

Blue sky prevailing; -- Barracuda's a-floppin';

The rain is over and gone! -- Over and gone: McPalin's pain!

Seed Poem: "March," by William Wordsworth

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*Thanks to Eric N. Brown for the photo.
*

I Married a Monster from Outer Space

I Married a Monster from Outer Space (1958)

Shuddery—Snarkalicious!!!

Things—Snarky Things bumping & grinding in the Night!!!

From—Faraway Outer Space Lizard Love is cumming for me, baby!!!

Beyond—Human comprehension and human love!

The—Handsome Tom Tyron my new honeymoon husband…

Stars—Stars, stars in my big Gloria Talbott stardust eyes.

Here—Today gone tomorrow!!! Come back, Little Sheba!!!

To—Fuck me that way so cold-blooded, cruel & snarky!!!

Breed—Salamander Breeder Love isn’t Sex!!!

With—Lizard Love it’s downright disappointing!!!

Human—Love that’s what I need baby!!!

Women!!!—Never Marry a Monster from Outer Space!!!

________________________________________________________________

I married a monster from outer space



BruceDermott

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